*** please
before you use anything from this page - thanks! ***
BP3.3: Thailand -- Phuket
The silence seemed to end so soon. Sixty seconds ago we'd all counted down to midnight, 2005: Five! ... four! ... threeeeee! ... twwwwoooooo! ... ooooooooooonnnnnnnnneeeeee!!!!!!
Silence.
The whole bar, so quiet. Impressive. The sound of the little fountain, trickling. The ceiling fan. The band's PA system, humming without a signal. A slow wind in the leaves of the trees and plants...........
Everyone so quiet. At midnight, 2005. A minute of silence.
So many lives. White, rich, expensive tourists, poor brown people with strange languages and customs, so foreign and far away. So many more of the latter. 100 times more. Still suffering. And everyone in between. Everyone. Entire families and villages. Drowned. Battered. Buried. Swept away. White message boards all in a row, photos of unidentified, inhuman looking corpses on one side, names of missing people on the other. In so many cases, dumb luck seemed to make the difference between life and death.
Just dumb luck.
Tourists, just like me/us -- leaving here without someone they came with. Leaving here alone. Jeezus what would that plane ride be like? -- and know someone you love was left so far away. In a strange land. For ever. I just can't wrap my mind around that one. And I can't wrap my mind around the numbers in those other countries. No one can.
With no warning, the band broke into a really fun, creative and funky version of "Get Back." "Get back to where you once belonged...." I felt grateful to have found this hidden bar and a bunch of really great people to hang out with for New Year's -- quite in the middle of nowhere. About 30 people, mostly expats, from small-time oil tycoons who make enough to retire in a third world country, to westerners doing creative things in the tourist biz to all of the backpackers-turned-teachers who fell in love with this place and just stayed. When the music started, I was wiping my eyes, and most others were doing the same. We toasted happy new years like we really meant it, drank and danced, danced, danced -- not the couples kind, but everyone just dancing together.
Friday, December 24, 2004 : Day 63
Patong
 |
 |
 |
| this was cancelled obviously |
 |
 |
| xmas in Patong |
| |
I flew down from Chaing Mai on the 24th. The travel guide clearly stated that Patong was a busy, obnoxious beach town so I figured it would be as good as place as any to spend a holiday which I considered to be busy and obnoxious as well. Usual plan, get a place anywhere then spend a day (this time on motorcycle) taking a look around for a nice place to chill.
I didn't realize at the time how, uh, non-family-oriented this town was. By day it seemed innocent enough. The beach was covered with lounge-chairs and umbrellas for the taking. People would come and sell you drinks. Topless Europeans, for better or worse. You could rent jet skis, catamarans and -yea!- windsurfers on the beach and there was a decent wind in the morning. I thought I'd definitely have more of a chance to enjoy and get some pics of that, but it didn't work out that way.
By night, the town takes a pretty darned interesting turn. What amazed me most though were the ... what would you call them? Bar-malls? Long streets jutting off of the main drag with dozens and dozens of little bars lining the sides and middle. Each with a different name. And each where attractive female staff outnumbered the customers three or four times (if there were any customers at all). There seems to be a tendency here to replicate, replicate, replicate businesses until they all seem starved for customers and this is yet another example. So, if you dare to walk by -- or through -- one of these areas, you are verbally and sometimes physically accosted by the "bar girls" who want you to come ... have a drink with them.
I'll just note now, that I'm writing this up safely out of Patong and I think I'm the only western male left who doesn't either have a Thai "girlfriend" or hasn't otherwise sampled the local, um, uh....yeah. It's amazing. Again, it's hard not to be judgmental about it. Some of the couples, the western man sometimes has 40+ years on the gal (and maybe a hundred+ pounds as well). Other couples involve young and sometimes really great looking western guys w/ local gals -- you sit next to them in bars and restaurants and overhear the conversations (and/or lack thereof) and eating alone suddenly seems pretty good.
It all seemed pretty hard to figure out, watching it. So I had to have it all spelled out to me by an older gentleman that I was talking to at one of the "bar-girl-free" places that I'd found: Bar-girls hang out at the bars, to bring people in, flirt with customers. Have customers buy them drinks. Sometimes it's just, socializing. I'm still not sure if they actually get paid by the bar or not for just hanging out. Commission on beer maybe? But if you want to leave w/ one, then you pay the bar around 200b ($6) and then the woman will be your escort for around 1000b/day ($30). It's not just sex -- it's someone to hang out with, go to the beach, dinner, places etc. Based on what I've overheard, definitely not someone to have intellectual conversations with. :-) Sorry -- but it's true. Anyway, this guy was saying that gals will become very clingy so as to try to have "business" the days following. And it's not just money. It's having meals, clothes purchased for them, transportation and entertainment provided. Gifts. So there's a lot at stake. I've actually overheard some interesting arguments seeming to have to do with an interesting mix of business and emotion. If the gal is lucky, she might hit the jackpot -- what everyone is hoping for -- to marry a westerner and be whisked away and live a far more wealthy lifestyle.
I'm trying really hard not to dump out a bunch of judgments about all this, on a few different levels. Not to mention certain unpronounceable and incurable biological hazards. Maybe I'm overly paranoid, but I just don't see how people -- and I mean a *lot* of people -- do it... I certainly don't blame the locals. They're really pretty and they must make some incredible money. Must be a scary way to make a living. And the tourists -- well, I guess if you're lonely or desperate or just want to have some fun without a big intellectual component then... this is the place to come.
And I won't even get into the lady-men...
Saturday, December 25, 2004 : Day 64
Around Phuket
 |
 |
| left: gravity fed gas pump w/ prices marked on the container |
I rented a motorbike (125 cc scooter) to check out the rest of Phuket Island
Once out of Patong, Phuket is touristy, but there are some nice places, and some amazingly isolated.
I neglected to learn the Thai phrase for "Hey, stupid farang, the rear break is in your right hand, opposite of what you're used to." So, I dumped the bike, going slowly down a steep dirt hill as the front tire locked up and slid into a ditch. The guys at the Dojo would have been proud, as my mild road-rash went from my right shoulder to my left but-cheek showing that I did a nearly perfect Ukimi roll. Both the bike & I cleaned up ok and only a mirror needed to be replaced.
I licked my wounds down at this small, isolated beach (right). Only a few people, satellite radio playing, beach chairs and umbrellas and a guy who would sell you beer. I hung out for some sun, swimming, beer and road-rash recovery. There was an inviting looking place just across the road with a nice garden, place to eat and some small bungalows, that seemed like it would be a great place to stay for a couple of days.
Below is the only pic I have of the place, not taken that day obviously. It was really hard to come back and see this. Later there were varying reports about how many people were killed here.
Then finally down to Rawai Beach where it seemed like there was some Thailand breaking through the glossy touristic finish of Phuket.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 : Day 65
Big water coming
I was doing the "in bed" portion of my yoga routine (the hotel floors are mostly tile here) and I notice this rocking motion. Like someone was having sex in my bed, but it wasn't me. Oh. Asian earthquake. Very small and gentle, but long. Enough time to get up, wander around the room a bit -- yes, the building is really shaking, and like any Californian, wonder whether it would get bigger or not .... put on my shorts on and go out onto the balcony, and then note that the air conditioner outside was indeed shaking in it brackets. Longest earthquake I've ever experienced, but very gentle -- 3ish+ maybe). If you were walking, you probably wouldn't have felt it.
When it was done, I did what any Californian would next do which was, wonder if it was local or far away (and bigger somewhere else). Then I went back to the yoga, some of which for me, still, is far more traumatic than any earthquake. Took a shower. Got dressed and walked down to the water front, to the one place in town that served a decent fruit-yogurt-musli salad. It was early. No one to eat breakfast with this time. Had a nice table to myself right at the window.
Walked back. None of the internet places were open yet, so I went to the gay bar/cafe that had wireless and downloaded/uploaded email on the laptop. Had coffee. Walked back to my hotel tried to make some phone calls about bungalows down south. There was a commotion outside, people running down the street.
My first thought, believe it or not, was "cow fight" because that was at the source of the last people I'd seen running down a street, yelling in India. But no cows here. Heard a strange noise like a soft distant glass breaking and figured it was someone having a fight, maybe threatening with a gun and that's why people were running. The hotel clerk finally grabbed me and said "You, go, run now. You run." He was scared shitless. So I did. Along the way I heard someone say "big water coming!"
Right -- earthquake this morning. Shit. Suddenly I was shaking as I just had no idea what was possible. Visions of 200' high waves flooding even the high-rises filled my head. How bid did these things get? My room was on the 3rd floor. Wouldn't I be safer up there than running? Or do they get that big? Fuck. I just didn't know. No one did. Shaking at this point. There was another hotel between mine and the beach, so you couldn't see what was going on. I ran like hell with a bunch of other people, all saying things in Thai. People were piling into pickups and four to a motor bike. It seemed most sensible just to run up to the second street parallel to the beach and see what was going on there. It was starting to flood w/ water.
|
| Running inland from hotel to the 2n'd street parallel to the beach. About 1/10 mi inland from the beach. The hotel eventually stayed dry due to a slight elevation. Right: beach lounge chairs floating in the street. |
What had been going on in the mean time I didn't see: According to several people I've talked to since what happened was this: The water started drawing out. Way out, way below the low tide line. It went slowly but surely over a long time. Four or five minutes. Coral was exposed and people even saw stranded fish among the coral. Locals went down and actually started digging for clams, etc. Tourists went down and gawked at the exposed seabed. There was enough time for people to start to put two and two together and that this was tied to the earthquake, and start yelling about it. When the first wave came, people on the beach could see it for what it was and withdrew. It broke and filled in the missing water. After that -- some say there were two waves, some say four. But they were big, the water was filled back in and so the subsequent waves broke above the high tide line and on inland.
 |
 |
the above three photos were taken facing down towards the water
The ocean's hard to see, but visible,
at the end of the street in all three shots.
At the time it just seemed like a flood. |  |
 |
 |
the water front
the water was trapped by the raised boardwalk area
between the front street & beach |
The second street, 400M inland from my hotel, parallel to the ocean began filling w/ water, just curb-deep+. What the heck? We went parallel to the beach to the next street where you could see towards the beach and ... for what ever reason, we just stood there, staring at piled up cars, beach chairs, jet skis and other debris that were definitely not where they belonged. The street was flooded. There were still a lot of people running away from the direction of the beach. Very few people heading toward it. But I was among those, transfixed, just staring down the street. There was so much confusion -- just didn't know what to do, so just stayed there.
I remember thinking "I wonder if anyone was hurt?" "I wonder if this will make the news back home?" I stayed there for ??? 45 minutes or so, talking to people. I don't remember seeing anyone being taken away in stretchers or anything like that. I've since doubted my sanity, but tonight talked to someone else in a similar place and similar time who didn't see anyone hurt, needing rescuing or being removed either. Maybe it was because the injured were being taken in tut-tuts / cars which at the time just looked like ordinary vehicles driving around, trying to get out of town like everyone else.
We just saw a lot of water sitting there -- I never would have guessed that the beach front and 200 yards of dense beach town had been totaled. It just didn't occur to me (or from what I could tell, anyone else). From so far back it just looked like a peaceful flood.
I went back to my hotel (high and dry) and took the short-cut (through the bar area) and was headed off by waist deep water. Jeezus -- what's going on? I back tracked and went down another to the beach. Half way down the block I was wading through knee-deep+ water (in sandals) which seemed to be filled with every possible thing from broken sheet metal, bricks, loose banners, parts of trees, vehicles, beach chairs, vendor carts, you name it. There were a few other tourists there, just looking at ... everything. And locals, scooping up sealed cartons of cigarettes, retail items, and even what looked like luggage. Wading though all of this -- the town -- was scary and weird, but I was just too curious. The place looked wrecked. But no one calling for help, badly injured or anything from what I could see. Some people waking around very scraped up (it was about 1hr after at this point).
I finally made it down to the water front -- Jeezus -- the place where I'd eaten breakfast an hour and a half ago. It started sinking in how bad things were. At that point I was thinking, "someone must have died in all of this." Knowing what I know now, it's amazing to think that I was there, on the water front, with so many other people, seeing everything, yet so clueless about what had really happened. A Blind Pedestrian if you will.
 |
 |
The water front, about an hour+ afterwards.
An upside down hydrofoil boat in the background |
I stepped up onto the cement boardwalk -- the thing that that was trapping the water into the town and walked with another guy to the other side.
A devastated building to the right. The waves were breaking just on the other side, the beach was gone. A wave broke onto the boardwalk, 6" of water but we both got a lesson how innocent surf filled w/ debris can really scrape the hell out of your ankles and promptly retreated. People talking together. I asked if anyone was hurt. Someone mentioned a 16 year old girl and pointed right behind me. Among the debris every where was a body covered with a blue piece of tarp. People walking around her, probably as clueless as I was as to what was really there. There was debris everywhere and it fit right in.
A man, 65ish, overweight, near us was describing how the tide went out so far and for so long, how he went down to see the exposed seabed and then ended up seeing the wave, running up the beach, into town and over a wall was being video taped by another tourist. A captivating story. I turned around and stared at the ocean, at all of the debris in the water and all of the beach that used to have so many chairs and umbrellas on it.
Wait. All of the beach. I just got my ankles chewed up by the surf 3 minutes ago at the edge of the board walk and now the water was 40 yards away, like low tide. And this guy just told how the tide went out. I made a curt comment regarding my observation to the others and headed back inland through the flooded street as fast as I could in a bit of a panic. It turned out that what I saw was just a surge -- the ocean continued to do this throughout the day.
Depending on who you talk to, there were either two waves or four, and either the first or the last the largest, which caused most of the damage. I'm sure no one was sitting around taking notes. The actual white-wash that came down the street was only about 5-6' high, but that's a lot when it's a wall of water moving quickly through a dense beach town. People reported similar stories from other beaches and an island. If you saw it coming, and there was somewhere to go, there was actually plenty of time to run. Apparently it was the people on the beach front in and around stores, etc that didn't know what was happening, and people in low-lying areas w/ no where to go that were the worst off. Some of the islands around here only have 4 or 5' of elevation period. The saddest was 30 or so people trapped and drowned in an underground shopping mall, right on the beach front. They couldn't even get it open and pumped out until the following day.
 |
People gathering on a hill after the next
wave warning |
 |
I moved to another hill closer to the beach to try to watch.
it never came. |
Back at the second street up from the beach there was a woman (tourist) crying that she couldn't find ??? that ?? had been washed away. Hysterics. A man comforting her. I felt helpless and stupid. A man was running down the street, screaming, "Another wave is coming." People just stared at him. Finally somewhat official looking pickup trucks were driving down the street pointing inland and yelling "go, go." So I did, along w/ a bunch of other people. Official and unofficial gossip seems to circulate quickly through cell phones. The next wave was expected at 2:30 and would be larger than the previous ones. I had an 40 min, so I walked across town to another hill where maybe I could see better. Sat up there w/ some people, waiting, talking. It never came. At 3:30 we went back down. This was all repeated, but the second time w/ a fire truck announcing clearly in Thai and English "Another wave is coming shortly, please evacuate." Pretty clear. We did. It never came.
A cultural observation here: When the announcement comes "A wave is coming" most of the Thais all just go, no questions asked. They say go, the Thais go. While the westerners (including yours truely) tend to stand around and debate "when?" "how high will it go" "will it really come" "could I swim it?" "Should we really leave?" "Oh, let me go get..." The westerners eventually clear out, but not without going through this potentially fatal process first.
 |
 |
Around 4:30pm I returned to the water front. Took some pictures. I remember thinking -- "man, I bet 10 people must have died in this." Everything was wrecked but there was so little evidence that anyone was hurt. It was strange. Police were just directing traffic. No ambulances or anything like that. That's how little information there was, and how things looked at the time. Everything was wrecked, yet, seemed so under control. Tourists walking around everywhere, confused, talking. If this sounds stupid, think how the "official" reports that night were 5,000 dead. And how that climbed to 120,000. At the water front a man started yelling and pointing. Everyone started running -- panic. I followed some locals through in and around debris, through some buildings and finally up some stairs. I didn't know I (or anyone) could run so fast in flip-flops. At the top of the stairs were some people, a man with bloody bandages on a couch, and a smashed window which led out onto a roof top. They'd smashed the window earlier to get higher as the stairs only went up two flights. The wave never came -- it was probably just the same surge that I'd seen earlier which panicked someone. But still scary.
|
|
 |
 |
 |
above right: I'd had breakfast here 1/2 hr before.
It was the one place in town that served a really great fruit-yogurt-musli salad |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Once it got dark, only the inland parts of town had power. I hadn't seen the hotel personnel since the initial "run" away. I was supposed to have been checked out at noon as the hotel was booked for that night without me. I went to a bar that had power and BBC and for the first time found out what had really happened. Earthquake in Indonesia. Tsunami. Sri Lanka worst affected. 5000 died throughout Asia it said. There was no food to be found there or anywhere -- everything was closed. Beer & coffee only at the bars. Watched for a while then went back. Hotel manager and power were both present. I asked if there were cancellations and I could stay tonight. "Yes, ok."
Monday, December 27, 2004 : Day 66
Things are getting back to "normal" in that food, etc is no problem now, but still anything within 100M of the ocean has been erased and the next 100-200M flooded. Which here is a lot. Getting out of here isn't proving easy, although their offering anyone w/ a passport a free flight to Bangkok. They are actually really amazing at taking care of people here. Not sure what I'm going to do, but am investigating how to get to Ko Tao...
 |
| these gals said they were in a boat that rode over the isthmus of Ko Phi Phi and were ready for a break |
Needless to say things were crazy this day. I couldn't rent a motorcycle and most of the town was closed. There didn't seem like much that could be done. There was a bit of milling about, looking at the damage.
 |
| waiting for the next tsunami down at the beach |
Again, there were official looking trucks going through the streets saying another wave was coming. I joined those who went down to the water front to watch. After talking to so many people, the logic at this point was that 1) you'd have several minutes to clear out once the water withdrew and 2) you'd see the wave break out on the cape (far away). The water seemed to go down a bit, but not like it was supposed to. It never came.
At this point there still wasn't the realization of what had really happened. Word was Ko Lak was hard hit, but that was it. "Hard hit." At that point the badly affect areas were said to be Sri Lanka, Indonesia and India with possibly only a few hundred dead in all of Thailand.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 : Day 67
Thanks again so much for the email. Amidst the chaos, I haven't really met "my people" yet, so the support really helps. I watched BBC in a nice bar-girl-free establishment today. Having just been in India (far to the north) watching those images of what's going on there, Sri Lanka and Indonesia was really hard and it was hard not to cry. Same w/ just being in Indonesia.
But I have to say that those images aren't representative of what's going on here. Two days ago was horrible and a lot of people were by chance in the wrong place at the wrong time. I keep running into people who know someone who is missing / dead. Every once in a while a pickup goes through the streets w/ guys in the back waving cars out of the way carrying a corpse. But that's slowing down and haven't seen one in a few hours.
So, with that said, I'm 400M up from the beach at a functioning internet cafe, and everything that wasn't washed away seems to be cleaned off, plugged back in and in full swing. There is a band blasting Deep Purple next door as I type. One street up from the water you'd never know anything happened save for an excess of sand in the street and the slightly confused mood. 4 doors or so down, the town goes black to the water front and I think everyone is just trying to forget about it or something.
So, excepting for the canceled (or rescheduled dive trip) I'm sticking to my plans and am going to go up to Phang Nga Bay and down to Krabi. I will check about the disease situation (Cholera I hear) first. I took a motorcycle down the coast today and from what I can tell, travel here can't be any harder than India was.
Ok -- enough about me. If you're still reading, then click here to read about Oxfam
or just click here to Donate.
I remembered having a hard time really understanding what Silke did at Oxfam and really what they dealt with. I was starting to get a much better idea. Many thoughts of India and those other countries, how they can barely keep their infrastructure together under the best of circumstances.
It was amazing to go down the coast and see so many places, right on the beach, seemingly untouched. Or that had just gotten a surge -- water and sand but no force. Some places were protected by capes that gave them shelter. Others by seawalls or coral reefs where the water is normally only a few feet deep hundreds of yards out.
 |
 |
left: army cleaning up the beach in front of the club med (how bad can things be?)
right: back in business on the water 2 days later |
 |
right: Rawai Beach -- selling sea shells by the sea shore
few if any takers, though |
|
Wednesday, December 29, 2004 : Day 68
Well, I spent the better part of the morning in Phuket Town. Went to another hospital and then the command center at the Province Hall to ask around if there was anything I could do. Same story: blood is really only being taken in the north and flown down as facilities are too maxed out here to take/test/process/store it. Lots and lots of volunteers -- only the translators looked somewhat busy. Both places were really sad to see -- lots of missing person signs up. At the Province Hall, long boards w/ pictures of unidentified victims [really sad] on one side, lists of missing people on the other. Outside there were temporary tents set up w/ long rows of tables, the names of countries on a sheet of paper above the desk. There was no US desk, probably because comparatively, I don't think that there were that many US victims. There was a US consulate desk upstairs in the building, along w/ the other consulates. No one there except for the person at the desk. I checked in as "not missing" and asked there and a few other places if there was any help needed.
Like the hospital, there seemed to be nearly as many volunteers as people needing help. I left my name, hotel & room and what skills I thought I had (and the fact that I had a laptop) in a few places and all said they'd call if they could use me, but right now there really wasn't anything. Again, the only people who seemed remotely busy were the volunteer-translators, and I'm a typical mono-lingual American. It seemed a lot like trying to volunteer for Live Oak -- lots going on and a lot of people there doing it. Put you're name on a list and we'll call if we need you... I'm sure in Sri Lanka, Indonesia and India it's much much different.
Up north, there is a resort area that was hit very badly. The place that my dive trip (cancelled needless to say) was to leave from. An anti-high-rise area, it was a lot of hotels & resorts built bungalow style right on the beach w/ no hill behind. That's the one place where there is said to be Cholera but the Thai Army is there dealing with it.
I don't mean to play down what's happened here. The photos and lists of names are soooo sad. They're tourists just like you and me. But, having been to India, Thailand is sooooo different than those other countries that were harder hit. I wonder if the media is proportionately covering what happened there -- all of those people w/ different skin colors, languages and cultures -- people who weren't tourists. There really is an infrastructure here. I heard calls for donations of food ... for the volunteers. There isn't there. Unlike Thailand, the govt, power, water, etc barely functions under the best of circumstances. You almost have to experience it to believe it. It's a tragedy everywhere, but the infrastructure is so strong here that the tragedy is still going to continue in those other countries in a big way where as here that doesn't seem to be the case.
So, I'm back in Rawai, in a bungalow on the beach, in a secluded cove that only Germans seem to know about. The place I'm at and most of the town is on the southern tip of Phuket so just got a surge -- water & sand, but no force behind it. I ate dinner last night a few feet away from the surf. Pretty strange. I'm going to chill here for a while, at least through a very quiet New Year's Eve....
My heart goes out in such a big way to all of those people leaving here without someone they came with. I just can't imagine what the plane ride home would be like. Oh my god, I just can't. And of course to the people in Sri Lanka, Indonesia and Sri Lanka where so much more was lost -- entire families and villages and the suffering continues.
Oxfam - click here.
Saturday, January 1, 2005 : Day 71
New Year's Day
| Emergency Response Center at a Wat near Ko Lak: |
 |
| above: Data Center |
 |
| above: central area |
 |
| above: stacks of coffins |
 |
| above: forensic area |
When leaving the US, I last stayed in Baltimore, w/ Emily who, yes, gets credit for me going to Darjeeling as opposed to colder places in northern India, and also gets credit for "davetracker.com" as well as partial credit for "The Blind Pedestrian." Funny that she'll be just a few hundred miles south of here and I won't be able to stop in and say "hi."
-----Original Message-----
From: Dave Lewicki
Sent: Sunday, January 02, 2005 10:38 AM
To: Emily Seay
Subject: RE: I'm going.
Jeezus, Em, you're really going to Indonesia w/ an emergency response team. At least the quake was on the western more friendly end (west). I got a sour little taste of where you're headed today. But it's going to be a thousand times worse. More bodies. Less infrastructure. Hotter and more humid (it's the height of their monsoon season). And it's going to smell a lot worse. And be a lot less organized with probably more cultural barriers.
They called me at my hotel today. [I'd previously left my name and the fact that I had a laptop] Said they needed someone w/ computer skills up at Kho Lak. The ground zero of Thailand where there were about 500-1000 bodies in a more remote area, about 2 1/2hrs north of here. No where else was hit like this. A bunch of resorts w/ bungalows, many built illegally through corruption, etc on national park lands. I took the motorbike to Phuket Town (40min) to the ERC (emergency response center) there. The story kept changing with exactly what they needed. It turned out they originally called me regarding something else. But now they needed this. I made sure to ask if they could use help from a non-Thai speaker/reader.
They gave us mud-boots, gloves and masks. I drove in a van w/ some other volunteers up the coast. All of the bodies were being brought to a wat (temple). For an hour of the drive, we followed a large truck loaded w/ pine coffins. We didn't get there until late in the afternoon. We kept passing small mountains of water bottles -- it turns out that so many supplies were being sent down -- way more than could be used -- , it was a problem of where to even store stuff. It would eventually be the same story w/ me.
The smell wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it was bad. I thought it would be retching bad, but it was just strong. Interlaced with the smell of chemicals that they were continuously spraying on everything: ground, equipment, cars, workers. The setup there was impressive. A large row of desks w/ computers where people were doing data entry; scanning photos (incredibly gruesome -- nothing close to what you'd see in a movie). People behind them wearing masks & gloves were going through found documents -- business cards, papers, passports. The smell from the document area was really strong. In another area, bodies still being recovered, wrapped in tarps were being laid on the ground and covered w/ dry ice. The dry ice made that foggy mist that seemed to roll everywhere on the ground in that area. That, along with the people in has mat suits walking around there made it all pretty eerie, especially once it got dark.
Anyway, I went to the computer area and of course the people I talked to said that there wasn't anything they needed. All of the data entry was in Thai. Many people had come from Bangkok. I spent some time asking a lot of other people if there was anything I could do. Finally a woman who didn't really seem in charge took me over to the city hall. A lot more milling about, conflicting statements. Apparently the Thais have a habit of telling you things that are completely not true because either they don't want to admit to not knowing, want to guess they understand rather than say they don't, or more likely it's just not polite to tell someone something they might not want to hear. I was getting really frustrated. It's hard for me to be run in circles and I really don't deal with disorganization very well. That's my failing really -- heck -- it's a disaster area, and Thailand's first disaster. I went back to the wat. Double checked -- you don't need me or an extra computer? No. Finally a woman came and told me that I wasn't supposed to know this but they were trying to move foreign volunteers away from the data jobs. "Things they do not want foreigners to know." Like what? How disorganized they were? Privacy issues? I didn't pursue it. By that time it was 8ish. I went to the "volunteer tent" and asked if there was anywhere else that needed help. "Not really -- so many people are coming from Bangkok."
I stood around for a while waiting for the next vehicle going back south. It wasn't exactly the most pleasant place to hang around w/ nothing to do. Finally a western woman came up and said "Why didn't I find her first when I came?" ???!!!!??? Ok. She would have had something for me to do. And if I came back tomorrow she could find some data entry work for me to work on. The tone of it all, though, was that of them finding a way to accommodate my desire to help, rather than that of them actually needing help. I'm more than happy to dig in where something really needs doing, but needing to be part of it all, whether they need me or not, just to satisfy my own ... whatever, just isn't my style. I've spent two days trying to help, unsuccessfully so I'm giving up. It was an interesting day though. I re-learned that I really am sensitive to the disorganized-too-many-cooks-in-the-kitchen factor. And I've always had a hard time w/ hospitals. This was a 100 times worse.
Anyway, you on the other hand are going to be really useful in this part of the world. And the work is right up your alley on a number of levels. Congrats on making the cut and getting selected. You are a good choice. Oh, and congrats on getting paid for it. It's going to be an adventure. I suspect a little more difficult, miserable, uncomfortable and frustrating than you might be envisioning right now, but you're a pro and your heart's in it. It's hard to think of you as fortunate to be able to go, but you are.
[...]
Saturday, January 8, 2005 : Day 79
Blah Blah Blah...
As if this #R#( page isn't long enough....
[....]
First the easy questions:
Yes, Phuket is really touristy. If you look, you can definitely find some really nice isolated beaches and such, but in general, it's really touristy. I'd recommend stopping through but I really wish I got to spend more time in Phang Nga Bay and Krabi and even less visited places. People mostly come here in the same way that they to go Hawaii and are here mostly to party, lay in the sun or have flings with Thai women.
The guy I was talking to had jumped over a wall -- he ended up swimming, but not in the force of the wave, just the ensuing flood.
As far as when it was happening: I was scared shitless. Totally shaking. Images from some book that I'd seen when I was a kid about some 120' wall of water swallowing entire towns immediately came to mind. Fuck! I was totally shaking and hyperventilating a bit. But then all that falls away quickly to this thought of "Ok, I'm here -- no changing that -- and what ever happens will happen, so let's just do the best I can." You start getting really focused on what's really going on in the real world around you -- every detail -- and the fear goes right away. You'd most likely go through exactly the same process, as I think it's pretty natural.
As far as the false alarms go: Some were being issued by official vehicles and you naturally try to interpret the urgency. Once it was by policeman in the back of a pickup just yelling "go, go!", but they didn't seem scared, so we went, but weren't running. Another time it came from a parked fire engine w/ emergency personnel milling about. They obviously weren't *that* worried so it was hard to feel much urgency. Most were somewhere between those two. Twice, on the water front, once later that day and once the next, someone started yelling and a bunch of people running. I was in a place where I couldn't see the ocean so it was really heart-poundingly scary. That was when we ran sooo fast up into that building and out onto the roof top. The second time, same thing -- people running and screaming. Always scary. I ran too for a few seconds, but this time could see the ocean, which looked normal and stopped. I guess the false alarms were interesting/exciting but not really the good kind. Sort of in the way that a false-fire-alarm would be "interesting/exciting" just after you've dealt with a real fire.
As far a the mood here goes: It's really mixed. It's not 100% party mode, but the area here seems ready to move forward. The biggest thing that I'm sensing is a worry among the locals that the tourists have gone (they mostly have) and won't be back this season and may be afraid to come back next season. This could be worse economically than the wave itself, as so many bars and restaurants that I thought were done at least for this year are already swept out, cleaned up, repaired and doing business (or trying). But with few people.
There are definitely a couple of cultural elements at work here (that I've been meaning to address in the journal for some time anyway). Some generic to third world countries and some specific to Thailand: First off, throughout Asia, there really does seem to be more of an "accept-what-is" attitude. Probably comes from the Buddhist undercurrents that seem to run through out the area. It seems rare to see an Asian, moping, feeling sorry for themselves, wishing things were different, placing blame. Of course they do, but not in the same way that a westerner would. It would mean too much "loosing face." Couple this with the third-world take-what-you-have-throw-it-together-and-make-it-work-NOW mentality and you end up with some of the resiliency that I think I'm seeing here.
Second, I'm learning that the Thais have some idiosyncratic quirks of their own: They call this "The Land of Smiles." They could be the most passive-aggressive/co-dependent culture on earth. Basically, here, it's considered very impolite to say "no" or otherwise tell someone something that they might not want to hear. Or say they don't understand. Or admit that there is a problem of any kind. Once you've lived here for years and years, you learn that they are saying "yes" but their body language is saying "no" and you're supposed to be able to figure that out. I'm not joking. It makes for some really interesting travel sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've run into this and how frustrating it can be and how I keep getting snagged by it. Every once in a while I actually get what I order in a restaurant, and I always point at the menu! I'm told the trick is to ask questions here in the negative: "The credit card machine is not working today?" If it is, they'll say "Yes, can use machine." If you'd asked the other way, and it wasn't, they'd say "yes..." and look at you funny. Arrgh -- I get frustrated just writing about it. Land of Smiles. ;-)
The same goes for whether or not they understand you and especially when they are dealing with problems. Say a broken cash-register or motorbike. Or their nation's largest natural disaster ever. So, now I'm beginning to understand how on that day and on the days after, the locals -- and even the emergency personnel -- are walking around like there was just a car-wreck or something and everything is fine and under control. And I think this continues to this day. Although I think it's hard for them to hide the fact that they are less than thrilled about all of the lost business and the tainted name. And if you talk to someone for a long time, they'll eventually admit this.
Survivor's Guilt:
-----------------
Oh, yeah, I know that one. Once I figured out what had really happened, all of the places that I almost was, but wasn't, I decided that I'd consider myself blessed and never apologize for coming out of this A-Ok. This is of course with the utmost respect and sadness for those that didn't, on what ever level. So many places that I was planning on staying at (one even that night) were totaled w/ fatalities. You say you feel so removed and have been from all other disasters (what about the SF quake?) and so you feel survivor's guilt. Left out, helpless, but safe and sound which is hard to complain about. I guess it's normal when a zillion people have this big intense experience without you -- and way too many didn't live to tell about it. And the ones that did, you know that you'll never really be able to understand what they're talking about.
This is going to sound really hard to believe, but I know a lot bit about this because it exactly what I've been feeling for the last week +. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in a bar and watched BBC, talked to other people who ended up getting caught by the water or just seen the injured people or wreckage and felt totally disassociated from it all. Or ask a policeman if they need help and they just say "Visitor fly free to Bangkok. Maybe go home now." Granted, most of the devastation was in other countries, so I saw that remotely, just like you. So, yeah, I definitely feel these feelings of still being left out, even being here. Watching this happen right around me and still not being directly affected in the way that so many others were. So, how connected with all of this would I want to be? Still in that restaurant? In Kho Lak? A better more exciting story? Which is ridiculous. How much would have been "enough?" So, I'm sticking to feeling blessed and won't be complaining about _anything_ for quite a while. Something of course I should have felt plenty of before all of this happened...
> whole thing is so terribly, well, terrible...but did you ever think it
> was kind of *cool* that you get to be experiencing this? Is that bad to
> ask? [...] Does any of it make you think of God or, y'know, "higher
> power" at all? It doesn't make much sense, does it?
And this is what really touched a nerve. Yeah, there definitely is "kind of *cool*" that I get to be experiencing this. It's amazing to go through. Yet at the same time it's a let-down. That comment about feeling stupid. Like there was something so big at work and the difference between life and death pretty much amounts to just dumb luck, and nothing more. I really believe in a higher, meaningful "pattern", which dictates all. Determinism if you will. I also believe there is a limited feedback mechanism that we have -- you can have a greater effect on your own thinking and events further out, but with less precision. Free will, sort of. You end up w/ lesser effect on more near-term events, but with more precision -- coexistence of freewill and determinism then. Like the "Butter-fly" effect and the storm. But there's little the butterfly can do about being lunch just before the bird swallows him down.
So, anyway, all of this makes for a very complex, interactive "pattern" that sort of... runs the show. We can't see the pattern -- just participate in it, just like our brain cells can't see "blue" -- but by interacting with each other (many inputs/one output, just like us) they're instrumental in making "blue" happen.
A very complex pattern. And any time that human beings confront complexity that can not be understood, they either a) invent an explanation that resonates with themselves and others that they can understand, perhaps personifying it, which is tapping into something very real anyway -- or else call it as the random noise/dumb luck that they have no choice but to perceive it to be. Because they can't see the higher pattern any more than the brain cell alone can see and perceive "blue."
So ... to me it all just looks like dumb luck / random noise. And to a lot of other people from what I can tell. That's where faith comes in. I'm coming to understand that faith is a lot more important that I thought it was. You can't really understand God, that "pattern" I mentioned, the members of the Hindu or Greek Pantheon. Only your internal representation of those things. Which is just some kind of shadow cast by something else that lurks in our archetypal collective subconscious, which in and of itself is pretty holy and nothing to sneeze at. Anyway, the point being is that I think it's the act of faith -- believing in something that you can't see/understand, yet somehow resonates with us, regardless of what it is -- the act of faith that's important and gives us some much needed meaning. I used to think that the idea of "faith" was silly, up until a couple of years ago, but I'm coming to understand that it's pretty key. It may all just seem like dumb luck and random noise, but it just doesn't work to live life through that perspective.
So ... a big part of faith is acceptance. This was truly a world event and I guess everyone ultimately has to accept where everyone was at the time and what happened, which will be easier for some than others. And feel compassion. And feel blessed for what they have to be thankful for. It's been a great lesson for me in these things, and you're right -- I'm blessed for that too.
next: BP3.4 Thailand - Diving, Etc.
|
